Why missional churches marry same-sex couples

From today, ministers in Australia's Uniting Church are permitted to marry same-gender couples - provided their congregation is OK with it.

This decision has a great theological basis and is great news for the church and for gay Christians, but that's not my focus here. This blog is mostly about how we (often unintentionally) block people from seeing Jesus - and ways to fix that.

For churches wanting to connect with people in their community, this is a fantastic opportunity - and here's why.

Unblock faith

McCrindle surveyed Australians about faith. Non-religious people were asked if they were open to faith - and asked to rate several issues as "blockers to Christianity".

"Homosexuality" (ie. the church's historical attitude towards it) was the biggest barrier between people and Christianity.

33% of people said it "completely blocked" them from the faith. A deal-breaker.

A third of people dismiss the church out-of-hand because of our historical attitude on this.

I would have expected issues like burn-in-hell preaching, hard-to-fathom miracles and faith v science to be more challenging - but apparently not. All those issues are further down the list.

It seems that for potential new Christians, it's easier to believe that Jesus walked on water than to believe that followers of a loving God would be so harsh towards gay people.

Anyway, my point for the local church is this; how much better could we reach people if we didn't alienate 1/3 of people before we even start?

The survey says...

For political reasons, Australia had a survey about same-sex marriage before it became law. The upside is that we now have stats on how the various parts of the country feel about this.

In my area it was 73% Yes, 27% No. Three-quarters of our community thinks this should happen.

The Uniting Church says there is no theological obstacle. So why would a local church that wants to connect with the community put up a barrier between itself and 3/4 of the community.

The counter-point to this is to ask "what about the other 27%?". I come at this from a Christian church perspective. People who can't stomach same-sex marriage can still connect with any number of other churches. If a Uniting Church congregation can be open to reach the 73%, then 100% of people have the potential to connect with the Christian church. Surely that's got to be an improvement on 27%.

Wedding witness

Figures from early June show how many same-sex marriages had taken place in Australia. In my home state it looks like about 900 same-sex marriages will occur each year. It's unclear how many couples will want a church wedding, but for accepting congregations there is an opportunity to show somewhat unexpected support.

Gay couples (even Christian ones) have been somewhat accustomed to either being lectured by the church, or having to hide their true identity from their church family.

Given that history, a church that provides a positive, loving and affirming environment would be a much-welcomed (and celebrated) change.

In an era when church is barely a blip on most people's radar, this is an opportunity for church to make a positive memorable impact in the lives of the new couple and their hundreds of guest who come to support them on their big day. They would be left with a memory of church being an accepting place - a place that is open to all as a practical demonstration of God's love that is open to all.

Not for everyone

Churches seem to exist on a spectrum between being inward and outward focussed. Our choices of ministries, worship format, and music selection are just some examples of whether we tend towards providing spiritual nourishment and a comfortable environment for long-time Christians, or whether we tend towards finding new ways of expressing our faith in ways that might help new people connect with the church or with God for the first time.

Churches that are more towards the first of these might find this new opportunity too difficult for the comfort of some members. But for churches that are more towards the second of these, this opportunity for the Uniting Church to connect with people can be truly a Godsend.

"Welcome to our judgemental church"

A church near me dropped calendars into neighbourhood mailboxes.

Here's July's picture:

And November's:

Their message:

The other months continued with that theme:

God's great. You're terrible. Stop being so evil because judgement is coming.

This is how they choose to introduce themselves to the neighbourhood. Basically saying "We're they negative judgmental church. Want to join us?"

Interesting outreach tactic. Perhaps not very effective and definite oblivious to the church already having a reputation for being judgmental and moralising.

At least they're up-front about it. They're as honest as they are totally unappealing.

Factcheck

I was going to stop writing here but then looked up that Hebrews quote. It's a classic case of a half-quote being the total opposite of the full one. Here's the whole thing:

Hebrews 9:27-28
And just as each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment, so also Christ was offered once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him.

It's one thing to pick your harshest 'burn in hell' quotes from the bible. It's another to trim quotes about salvation to make them suit your mindset.

I take back what I said about them being honest.

10 church things that alienate introverts

Introverts account for up to 50% of people. So why do we do things that make up to half our guests feel like running away?

I've covered a couple of these before (holding hands and over-intense attention) but have now found this list of 10 things we would be better off avoiding if we really want to show we care.

it's good reading - and very useful.

Being good on Good Friday

Further to my post on Tuesday, I have found out about two events in the suburbs near me.

One church starts at 8 am, but not with a service. At 8 am there is barista-served coffee, hot cross buns and kids activities. Then at the more respectable time of 9am there is a church service.

Another put a postcard in our letterbox, also offering barista coffee, live music and supper along with their service - which sounds like it's also outdoors (like the one I talked about on Tuesday).

Perhaps it's just my denomination that is still to catch up. Or perhaps the Baptists (which both these churches are) are leading the way.

Good Friday "options"

Here's a slide from a 'thinking outside the box' presentation I did last year. It's my worship options for Good Friday - the distance from my house and the time of worship. The picture represents where I am at that time on a public holiday.

It's almost as if for a special day we go to extra lengths to avoid any new people coming to church. We pick a really inconvenient time (from the public's perspective) and we seem to synchronise all our churches so that if you miss one you've missed them all.

As half our neighbourhood is still in their pyjamas, we've already packed up for the next two days.

So what did I do last year? I found a non-denominational group that meets in a park. From memory it was a 10am start but as it's outside, people are free to drift in (or out) at any time. There were some relevant songs played by a guitarist and a singer. Some Bible passages were read and some prayers prayed. Afterwards people could gather socially if they wanted.

Regardless of whether or not it was better than a traditional Good Friday service, it was at least 10 times more accessible to the general public.

Perhaps there are lessons to be learnt. Some that spring to mind are to be accessible, to be at a reasonable time and generally consider the needs of people. I note the number of strollers and kids - something that rarely happens in 'regular' church.

PS. See my Thursday update on this topic.

Is this the worst piece of evangelism?

Ok, there's probably been worse, but let me know what you think - or if you've had worse.

The background

My wife and I are downsizing. There's lots of stuff we no longer need (or never did). We care about the planet and about people. So we don't throw much in the bin. We try to sell or give away things to people who can use them. Online we've posted at least 200 items so far. One of these was a set of prayer flags my wife received from a work colleague. Apparently they are quite popular in Nepal.

Tim's inquiry:

Sat, 1:33 pm
Who do these prayers go to?

I wasn't sure where this was going, so took the bulk of my answer from wikipedia.

Our response

Sat, 6:11 pm
Hi Tim. Thanks for your question. The short answer to your question is "everyone". Traditionally, prayer flags are used to promote peace, compassion, strength, and wisdom. The flags do not carry prayers to gods, which is a common misconception; rather, the Tibetans believe the prayers and mantras will be blown by the wind to spread the good will and compassion into all pervading space. Therefore, prayer flags are thought to bring benefit to all. I hope that helps.

I thought that was fairly clear and non-offensive. The next came this:

The reply

Sun, 4:49 pm
Hi Chris. Interesting philosophy and pagan superstition. I'm thankful that there is a true God who has and does answer prayers ( Psalm 65:2.). Apart from the many attributes God has, there are things he gives, love, joy and peace. ( Galatians 5:22). These are just a few. Real hope and comfort ( Romans 15:4) come from his true wisdom ( Psalm 111:10. James 3:17). But as you are aware there are many gods ( 1 Corinthians 8:5) . One thing that eludes many people is the true God's name. (Psalm 83:18). Jehovah. If you have a bible, please look at the scriptures mentioned. Usually older bibles do have the name of God. Sadly most modern bibles have omitted his name.
Thank you.
Regards.
Tim

Good grief

Clearly Tim is a Jehovah's Witness and (I'm guessing) never had any genuine interest in the flags. Instead he was just seeking (or forcing) an opportunity to trumpet his beliefs.

Three things puzzle me about this.
1. He seems to assume I am not Christian - and yet he quotes the bible as his proof of how wonderful god is. If I wasn't Christian why would I give two hoots what the bible says?
2. I'm still puzzled that people use references like "1 Corinthians 8:5" expecting that a non-Christian knows what to do with little piece of code. Of course it's Google-able, but he's talking hard-copy bible.
3. Obviously there's a huge vibe of 'your beliefs are stupid', 'I follow the true god' and 'you should too'. Does that ever work?

Interested to hear you thoughts.

Is Good Friday too good to share?

Have you ever tried to find a church on Good Friday? I tried this year, as my church's 8am service was just too early.

I checked a couple of nearby churches. Both 8am. Out of curiosity I checked about 7 churches. The absolute latest was 9am.

Is this a problem? Actually it's two problems.

Early to rise - early to hide

It's Good Friday. It's a public holiday at the end of a working week. On a public holiday when most places are closed, why do churches think that we want to get up even earlier than on a workday? Particularly on one of the features of Christian calendar - and hence an opportunity to connect with newcomers - why do we schedule services for the most inconvenient time? Are we trying to keep our faith hidden? By the time most people are up and out of the house we'll all be finished and the church will be locked shut.

The war of Good Friday

Even if 8am is the 'prime time' for having a Good Friday service, why do churches battle each other for it. By clashing our services we pit one church against the other rather than working together for the common good.

Imagine a person thinking of going to church over the Easter long weekend. They do a search and find 4 churches all starting before 9. They choose to go to none.

Time to break ranks

Imagine how that could be different if there were local services at 8am, 9.30, 11 and midday. Perhaps the latter ones could even serve hot cross buns after the service.

Surely this variety of options would increase the possibility of new people engaging with the church and the message of Jesus.

Update: See what we tried in 2017

Male Bonding?

Brilliant cartoon. Like the man in the tie, sometimes church is completely unaware of its man-repelling actions. While we earnestly wish for more men to join, the very things church does can have the opposite effect.

As a side note, the cartoon uses holding hands as an extreme and obvious example of something to NOT do. Whilst there are also other things to also look out for, if you're a church that forces men to hold hands, please stop now.

I once attended a service where the church all held hands for the final song. As a (then) young single man, there is almost no-one it is appropriate to hold hands with for 3 minutes. Definitely not the grandfatherly figure who sat on my left, or the 12-year old girl on my right.

Looking back, I wonder what it was like for married folk. Apart from having your 12-year old daughter hold hands with an unknown man (me) you're holding your spouse with one hand - and someone else's spouse with the other.

No-one benefits from this situation. Except may be the music team. Musicians avoid the awkwardness by playing an instrument. For those 3 minutes they are the envy of all the men in the congregation.

Shared Books - Shared Blessings

Sharedbookshelves makes book sharing easy. It's a website, and phone app, that enables church members to list, share and borrow Christian books with one another.

How it works
As members add their individual books, a searchable online library is born. Church member Dan may be interested in reading a book by Shane Claibourne. Sharedbookshelves shows that Steve has a copy. Now Dan can borrow it from Steve next time they meet.
There are extra features to discover, but that's the basic concept.

There are so many good things about an idea like this.

It helps us grow in our Christian walk
Having accessible books means we are more likely to read them. We don't have to worry about the cost - or finding the time to get to a bookstore.

It shows great stewardship
Popular books can be bought by a few people and shared around church, rather than being bought by everyone and left on shelves to gather dust. Apart from financial savings (which could now be donated to mission) it also shows good environmental stewardship of resources, and helps us avoid too much consumerism.

It helps strengthen Christian community
Now there's something for Dan and Steve to talk about on Sunday after church. Typically it's "How's your week been?" "Fine, and you?" "Fine.". Now it can be a meaningful discussion of the chapter Dan's just finished reading.

Perhaps it's not surprising that the early believers shared their possessions. It was great then and it can be great now.

The difference between Jesus and Christians

I was surprised by a survey of Christians' attitude to the death penalty. But it wasn't the individual results that surprised me as much as the difference between them.

40% of practicing Christians approve of it, but only 5% think Jesus would approve. Whatever the issue, that's a big difference - for a group of people who claim to be his followers.

If we're going to be telling the world to follow Jesus and become more like him - perhaps we'd do well to take that advice ourselves.

Ash Wednesday Anyone?

In church-land we're currently in the middle of Lent. A few weeks ago a church near me had this on their sign. "Ash Wed 5.30".


How many of the drviers going past (eg the taxi driver, the guy with the ute) do you think would even know of the existence of ash wednesday? Let alone what wednesday it falls on.

"Is it this Wednesday? Or next? Or is it the one just before Good Friday?" i can imagine them wondering.

Seriously, would you invite a friend to your house by saying "Hey Tony, i'm having a party at house - it's on St Albans Day"? And expect him to figure out when on earth that is? Of course not, but that's what we do as church.

Last time i posted a quote suggesting that the church's tendency to repel outsiders is based on selfishness. I don't think that's the whole story though. Clearly there's also a lack of thought, and an element of cluelessness about the people who live outside the boundaries of churchland.
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UPDATE: The same church has done the same thing again for "Palm Sunday".

Valentine's Day - The Big Mistake

Speaking of turning off young adults, here's one that's not in the book.

Valentine's Day sermons
In an effort to be relvant, some preachers give the impression that no secular day can pass without being worked into a sermon. And what better example than Feb 14? It's got something to do with love. God's about love. Instant sermon!

On any other sunday, a preacher might talk of the 4 different Greek words for love - and distinguish romantic-love from God's "agape" love - but not this week. However, that's not the big issue. Here's what happens - at least as far as i see it...

In preacher-land, romantic love is associated with celebrating 30 years of marriage. Someone who is always there, hearing your concerns and cares about them. Someone who may anger or confuse you at times, but who you know loves you. Someone who you are getting to know better with each passing year... Put like that, it sounds a bit like God, and so the preacher goes with that metaphor - without thinking any wider.

Over in young adult land, some are dating. Some have their love repeatedly rejected. Some have broken up. Some dramatically so. Here are 3 recent examples of young adults i've met. Imagine their reaction to being told that "God's love is like that of a partner"

1. She and he were happy until she was pregnant. He started an affair with someone else. She was abandoned to raise their child alone.

2. She and he were happy. She was going through a tough time. He seemed not to care at all. Months later they broke up. He told her she wasn't godly enough.

3. He and she were happy. He trusted her. Turned out she was lying to him, seeing other people behind his back, lying to his face and playing him for a fool.

If we met any of these people, there's no way we'd be heartless enough to say "God's love is like that of a partner". It'd be way too cruel - and a very bad representation of God. But for some reason we do exactly that from the pulpit each February!

Preacher, if you're reading this, hopefully it's not too late to change your sermon.

Young adult, if you're reading this, please forgive the preacher. He/she does not mean to come across as Mr Insensitive.

A Sign of Apathy

A church near me recently had a Christmas concert. Good on them. But on Dec 16, their sign was still promoting the Dec 11 concert.


Then they changed it - to nothing! For a number of days it sat there completely blank. Right into the week of Christmas.


Then for a couple of days it showed the usual sunday worship times (despite the upcoming sunday being Christmas) before someone realised this and changed it (late in the week) to display the Christmas times.

Is there something on Christmas Eve? What time is Christmas Day worship? Is there a choice of times so we go to church before the family get-together? All these questions and more are left unanswered until it's practically too late. Are we trying to keep people away?

Sure, the information has probably been in the church bulletin for weeks. But the general public doesn't get the church bulletin. When the sign says nothing, and the church website looks as though Christmas doesn't exist, it doesn't exactly lay out the welcome mat for someone thinking of joining church the Christmas.

Secret Church

I played frisbee with a friend this week. He told me of his attempted visit to a local church the previous Sunday night. I say 'attempted' because he was the only one there.

He waited around for a while, not sure what was going on, or that maybe the start time had changed. But after standing alone outside the building for about half an hour, he gave up.

It turned out the church had decided to take a week off and go to a Carols event. But they didn't say anything! As my friend told me "They have a website. They have a sign. Surely they can let people know."

It's a real shame, because i'm sure my friend would have loved nothing more than to go to a carols night. But for some reason we often keep things a secret from the general public. It's almost as if we want to keep them away from church!

Reminds me of my experience from Christmas '09.

Labor Pains

In Australia this past weekend the Labor party had its national conference. While watching ABC 7.30's coverage, i couldn't help but be bowled over by the incredible allegory to the church's own situation.


Let me illustrate with some quotes. I've struck out the references to party names to help you imagine the word 'church' or the name of your denomination in its place.

Leigh Sales (Anchor):
And as political editor Chris Uhlmann reports the conference squibbed on answering some of the profound questions about Labor's future.

Senator John Faulkner (in a speech):
We are at a critical point. Our party faces a crucial decision. The situation is now dire. Delegates, our party is in decline. Our membership is small and getting smaller. Our membership is old and getting older.

Chris Uhlmann (reporter):
This 46th conference comes at a time when Labor's membership is haemorrhaging. Its leadership knows that it needs to regenerate but that means that somebody has to give up some power.
(To Doug Cameron): Do some people who have power have to give that power up?

Senator Doug Cameron:
Absolutely. And you know the party can't be run by bureaucrats and apparatchiks. We've got to be a party that's a rank and file, grass roots party. And that's the challenge between now and the next conference.

John Faulkner (in a speech):
Labor has had the courage to change Australia. And delegates, today we must find the courage to change ourselves.

Chris Uhlmann:
But there's no sign that the big questions this conference posed have been properly addressed. How does the Labor Party regenerate and reform for the 21st century?

John Faulkner (in a speech):
Our party has been here for a hundred years. What is at stake is that we ensure we're around for another hundred years.

Chris Uhlmann:
It's hard to see how the small reform steps embraced on the weekend will drive a Labor membership rebirth. And without it Labor's future is uncertain.

It will be interesting to see (and maybe compare) how each organisation deals with its own predicament. What do you reckon?

Paul's Baptism

Last year i started following the group Be The Church. They were donating money to TEAR for each person who (facebook) followed them that month.

Now they've just put up photos of Paul's Baptism:


I have no idea who Paul is, but it strikes me as the kind of baptism i would want (if i was being baptised). As well as being a lot more like what Jesus did, it seems a lot more of a momentus occasion than taking 2 minutes out of a sunday worship to have someone rub a damp finger on your forehead - and then straight back to the normal program. (Why do we turn meaningful events into automated processes? I'm not sure.)
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ps. check out the day's full set of photos - it seems the baptism was the centrepiece of a day of celebration for the church/community.

By "Every" We Mean "One"

Thought this pic was relevant (and kinda funny) after last week's video about being the church seven days a week.


I'm not trying to have a go at this church. I'm sure they do things on some other days. But in terms of a message to the passerby, it's kind of like an ice-cream shop saying "Come try our enormous range of flavours .... vanilla, vanilla and vanilla"

Too Brainy To Be In Church?

This picture forms kind of a theme, with the previous 2 pics i've shown.


This week i read that evangelicals (those most often associated with the rigid legastic style of 'faith') have smaller brains than both non-religious people, and people of less rigid denominations.

The don't think it's really about brains shrinking. I just think it's the result of excluding brainy people by effectively saying "you're too smart to be in our church".

[Photo courtesy of Crummy Church Signs]

Narrow-minded? Apparently Not Enough

At a time when Christians suffer from a negative perception of being intolerant towards different views, what possesses a church put out a message like this?


They might as well say "Do you think Christians are too narrow-minded? Well we're actually striving to be even less accepting of others."

Combined with last week's attack on reason, it puts out a message that says "We have a completely unreasonable view - and we're too pig-headed to change it". Is this the gospel of Jesus? I don't think so. Sounds more like the pharisees to me.

[Photo courtesy of Crummy Church Signs]

Did God Give Us Brains?

There's a sad stereotype that Christians have 'blind faith' and swallow anything said by a preacher / religious orgnaisation. That using your brain is incompatible with following Jesus.

I say it's sad because for people who like using their brain, the stereotype can be a barrier to Jesus.


What's sadder is that the church itself helps perpetuate this myth with shocking signs like this one.