Only On Our Terms

A little while back, i was reviewing the book unChristian. One of the great quotes from it that i didn't get to use in the reviews was

part of the reason Christians are known as unChristian is because the church has lost the ability and willingness to love and accept people who are not part of the insider club.... We say we love outsiders, but in many case we show love only if it is on our terms, if they are interested in coming to our church ... We expect them to play by the rules, look the part, embrace the music, and use the right language.

Does it remind you of black box theory?
The author went on to describe the effect of this...

Not only is Jesus becoming harder for them to see in the efforts and language of Christians, but they are learning to despise or disregard Christians - largely because the Christians they have known either criticise or ignore them.